From the beginning of our relationship, I was constantly asked what it was like to date a guy that had a baby (a beautiful one year old girl), if her mom and I had issues, and what would change if we had another baby.
The truth is that B has been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and our relationship. Actually, I’ve told her many times that she is the main reason I put up with her daddy. I’m only half joking.
I wasn’t sure in my early 20s if I wanted a kid of my own or not yet, but I was totally fine with getting to be her bonus mom. See in my eyes, it was a little like being a grandparent... spoil her for a couple of days then send her back to her mom. (Sorry Katie). But it didn’t take long for me to fall madly in love with that wild child and miss her like crazy when she was gone. I even started pushing her daddy (i.e. yelling at him) to ask to get her more. Haha. The more I snuggled with her and watched Frozen for the 60 billionth time, the deeper in love I fell. At our house, she is mine. As a toddler (and occasionally even now) when she was scared she came to My side of the bed. When she was sick and puking, she wanted Me to hold her. Now she’s 7 and we paint our nails, and do our makeup while drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies. Besties.
But as the bonus mom, I know that there are boundaries, and I have always tried to stay within them. As badly as I wanted to take her to the nail salon for the first time, that wasn’t my right. It was her mom‘s. It’s not my choice to take her to get hair cuts, and when we got matching feathers, I asked her mom first. It’s not that her mom is controlling on most things, but I’ve always tried to put myself in her shoes. Would I want another woman taking away those moments from me with my daughter? Absolutely not. I’m forever thankful for her mom‘s willingness to let me share in all of Bs wins. Yes, we have had our differences, but we’ve never lost sight that B is what’s important. That makes us a pretty solid team, and I like to think that B is pretty lucky to have her own cheering section. Seriously, you should see the bleachers at softball games.
When we told B that we were having another baby, her first words were “I hope it’s a girl so I can have a sister!” How sweet is that? She has always wanted to be a helper, and taking on the role of big sister has been no different. When Kimber starts to cry and my hands are full, I don’t have to say a word. B runs to her sister and entertains her so easily that I’m pretty jealous. She gets diapers, held bottles, finds thrown pacis in the back seat, and cuddles Kimber until she falls asleep. There’s nothing in this world as pure as their love for each other. And when I see B with her little brother, I know it is no different at her moms.
Even though now she’s built a great bond with her daddy, and wants to paint his nails too, we are still best friends. I’m so thankful for the little girl that taught me how to love like a step-mom.
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